What if we let our children play freely, knowing that this is how they learn to negotiate conflicts, win and lose gracefully, and recognize their limits?
What if we let our older children play with younger children, knowing that this is how they learn to become caretakers.
What if we let our younger children play with older children, knowing that this is where they find role models?
What if we let children change the rules of the game, knowing that this is how they learn positive cooperation?
What if we trusted that children can make and find their own toys, knowing that “educational” toys mostly serve the needs of manufacturers?
What if we handled problems by interfering less, not teaching more, knowing that children figure out a great deal by experimenting?
What if we didn’t worry so much about our children’s academic performance, knowing that this is only one route to a fulfilling life, and good enough is good enough?
What if we stopped worrying about “learning loss” and “grade-level benchmarks”, knowing that such constructions are for the convenience of schools and politicians, not the benefit of children?
What if we focused time on our own hobbies, not just on our children’s, knowing that children learn from watching us?
What if we focused attention on our own habits, instead of trying to force our children to be the people we wish we were?
What if we let children stare off into space during lessons, knowing that children learn and pay attention in many different ways?
What if we didn’t worry about children demonstrating their learning, knowing that learning and performing learning are not the same thing?
What our lessons answered children’s questions instead of making them answer ours, knowing that children will learn if it meets their needs right now?
What if we let children into adult spaces, knowing they will learn by observing and this is how children in the past and around the world learn every day?
What if we insisted that children do chores, knowing they are members of a family and community now and the want to contribute now, not only in the future?
What if we trusted children to handle difficult emotions, knowing that difficult emotions are an unavoidable part of life?
What if we let children take (reasonable) risks, knowing that they might get hurt, but probably won’t, and that this is how they learn to be competent and unafraid?
What if we let daily life be organized for our benefit as well as our children’s, knowing that children are part of a family and a community?
What if we spoke honestly to our children, knowing that they will follow our lead if we are honest, trustworthy, and reasonable in our demands?
What if we let go of the idea that mothers are the best caretakers, knowing that children the world over are cared for by all sorts of adults and older children?
What if we trusted that children’s play is their learning, knowing that they wouldn’t bother if it wasn’t providing an interesting challenge?
What if we just taught the things children truly can’t learn on their own, knowing that most things are best learning through experience and self-direction?
What if we trusted that there are many different ways to be in the world, knowing that our children will find one that works for them, and with gentle guidance, we can help them find a positive direction?
What if we let go of some control, knowing that our well-meaning efforts to mold our children into successful adults can be as much hindrance as help?
What if we allowed our children to be who they are, knowing that attempts to force our children into a particular mold is a legacy of tyranny and colonialism?
What if we let our children be less than perfect, knowing that this is the way of humans?
What if we allowed children agency over their lives?
American*: This post started as a question on my Facebook feed, where I wrote “What if anxiety were not the driving force behind white, middle-class American parenting?” One person took exception with the “middle-class” part, saying it was really upper class parents who are so anxious. Another proposed that it was all American parents who live under this cloud of anxiety. Personally, I feel that much of this anxiety is driven by school, media, and political narratives, as well as marketing and litigation, so I suspect most American parents feel some generic, undirected sense of anxiety about their children, but probably experience it in different ways, depending on their background. So just know that I am writing from the perspective of a white, upper-middle class parent and teacher, who has taught primarily in private schools.